Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I don't have anything exciting to say, just felt like writing today. We have part 2 of our home study next week, needless to say I am much less nervous about this one. Besides, I don't have time to be nervous-we have had so much stuff going on with the kids, from field trips, to talent show, to Confirmation-this last month of school is going to fly by!
Well speaking of field trips, I went with Bailey's class of 6th graders on a kayaking field trip today-a lot of work, but great fun-they are a great group of kids! But I was thinking how Bailey is going to be 13 this year, and how I was 13 when I started high school ( one of the youngest in my class), but more, how she is now in the years that I had the hardest time in growing up. I just remember struggling through my days, most of the time miserable and hating my family. I never did drugs or any other "bad" stuff, but inside I was a mess. I was trying to figure out who I was, and that changed on a weekly basis, or depending on who I hung around. I had no self-confidence and I just wanted to disappear most days. I try to figure out why, was it the school I attended, the kids I hung around, a lack of attention from my parents, hormones, who knows really- maybe all of that. But for a long time I have had a soft spot for middle schoolers. I guess because I remember those years and the way I felt. Yeah, middle schoolers are awkward and goofy, mature one minute and throwing a fit the next, responsible one day and irresponsible the rest, but this world wants them to be little adults and throws so much at them, can you blame them really? They are still kids, still trying to figure our who they are and more importantly, who they are going to be. I was reminded of a dream that I had a few years ago that I awoke from and knew it was a message from God. I was arriving at a stadium or conference center of some sort. Later, I was giving a speech to thousands of teens, although I'm not sure what about. But I was very passionate about whatever it was and I remember feeling very emotional as I was speaking. Now, I don't know what it means, but I just knew it was a message from God. Maybe it's a glimpse of the future, or a push in a certain direction for some sort of decision I will need to make, but I'm starting to think it's related to my love of middle schoolers, and maybe even adopting. No, I'm not going to give a home to thousands of teens, but maybe I need to help find a home for them. Maybe adopting gives me a window into their world and I can't help but try to help them. Being a teen is hard enough, but being a teen in foster care seems unbearable. It breaks my heart really. I recently read a book, Three Little Words, written by a girl from our area who grew up in the foster care system, although she was adopted when she was 11. It was a real picture of what kids in foster care are going through, and how they feel, and it's awful. I just want to find a way to help them, comfort them, guide them, like I wish someone would have done for me. So, I am pretty much thinking that the Lord is going to match us with a teen at this point, lol. I'm just praying for the opportunity and courage to be used to do whatever it is God is trying to lead me to. I'm also so thankful that Bailey has not seemed to have been cursed with whatever middle school madness I went through, and that she is such a blessing to us. Thanks for reading-just needed to share!

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