Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Lots of learning

We are just plowing along at our MAPP classes. I will tell you they are a real pain. Kevin leaves from work to get there, then I leave our house at 5 and usually don't get there till after 6 (depending on traffic). It's always so hot in the room, and at first they talked about such negative things, but it is getting better. Last night I had to go alone, our babysitter was at a retreat so Kevin stayed home, and I left the class actually excited about what we had learned. The first few classes it almost seemed like they were trying to scare us, or discourage us, they talked about how most of the kids will have behavior issues and how we (adoptive parents) will just basically have to deal with it. Last night we talked about attachment, and how the failure to attach properly, because of lack of trust, causes the kids to have arrested development, or stop developing emotionally past the point that they are at the time they experience loss. Which is part of the reason they have behavior issues. But it's fixable, you just have to earn their trust, and show them that they can count on you. These kids have never had anyone they can trust, it's just so sad.
So we will need a huge support system, to encourage us, and just let us vent when we're stressed. We have so many great friends and family members that I am confident will support, encourage, guide and pray for us, but sometimes we forget to ask. So I'm asking you, please don't feel like you are being nosy, or intruding, please ask us how we are doing and if we need help, give us advice and just call or drop by. We are not trying to be "super parents" and we realize that it truly does take a village to raise a child, so we welcome any help we can get.
On another note, we have been working on our family profile, which is everything you could ever care to know about our family and the way Kevin and I grew up, also the type of child we see joining our family. We will be having our background check done very soon as well. At the end of our MAPP classes (the end of March) we will have our homestudy done and the matching process begins. They really focus on finding a family for the child, not a child for the family, they know these kids and try to find the best fit for them. We also know that God has hand picked our child for us, before they were born, and He doesn't make mistakes!
Thanks for reading, I'll update soon!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Still no clear path

Well, we attended the Bethany information meeting yesterday. It was very informative and the staff is great and knowledgeable, but it didn't "seal the deal" like I had hoped. See, I am so drawn to international adoption and the meeting just really made me feel even more drawn to those kids. Does that mean that God is calling us to adopt internationally or am I just fascinated with the idea? We still have a huge monetary commitment looming over us if we go that route, plus there is the reality that we will not know much, if any, of the child's history-medical, family, any history. With foster kids, we know the kids histories, but they are horrible histories, they have experienced serious pain and loss, and we will be responsible for bearing the brunt of the outcome of that. How will that affect our kids? Can we handle that? Am I not trusting God enough to bring us the child that is right for us?
Kevin's been having some conversations with God and I really think God is speaking to him, but Kevin just needs to trust what God is telling him. He often doubts that his thoughts could be prompting from God, and then he fails to act. But God is great and God is good, so I'm pretty sure He can handle Kevin's doubts and make something amazing happen in spite of them!
But on another subject, Kevin and I had a nice date on Friday. Bailey spent the night at a friend's house and the other 3 stayed the night at my parents-the first time they have all been gone for the night! We went to dinner at Outback and ran into an old neighbor from FishHawk. Although the conversation with the neighbor was tough, he has recently been divorced and it's so hard to see so many people going through that lately, we had a nice time. The conversation with our old neighbor really helped us to see how blessed we are that we are still so crazy in love, even after 14 years of marriage and 4 kids. We have such a commitment to each other and our family, and we try to love as self-lessly as we can, always putting each other's needs above our wants. It takes communication, and respect to consistently be able to connect and be on the same team, and it's not always easy, but it's worth it! I think that is a huge strength of ours that will definitely help as we journey through this adoption process.
So thanks for caring enough to read all of my rambling on, and we would appreciate your continued prayers for wisdom and discernment throughout this journey. Thanks for making the journey with us, it's good to know we have so many people that love and support us!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

New at this

So, I've wanted to start a family blog for awhile, and this seems like the perfect time to start.
I think we are ready to share the news that we are beginning the process of adopting a child. Adoption is something I have felt called to for many years, however, we kept adding biological children every two years or so, and that was keeping us very busy. But adoption has always been on my heart, even though the daily issues of raising four children kept pushing my desire to the side. Now that our "baby" is 4, we feel like it's time to act on what God is calling us to. I'll be honest and tell you that Kevin has been hesitant to go with this, since he doesn't feel he has been called to adoption, but he trusts that God has spoken clearly to me, and is "diving in" with me. He has such a committment to me and our family and we are confident we can make anything work, together. He is such a wonderful husband and father, and it's no wonder to me that God wants to share him with other children who desperately need his love and committment!
Right now I don't have a lot of info to share with you, we are just beginning this. I have read a lot of books, prayed  a lot, researched, looked at many websites and there are so many choices and decisions to make, so we're taking it slow. We aren't even sure if we want to adopt internationally or through foster care. We have realized that we don't feel called to adopt an infant, so we are looking at "waiting children" or "older children"(older than an infant), and "special needs children". Now, the definition of special needs varies a great deal from medical issues, to emotional issues, to just being a child older than 8, or a child of a minority race. We do not feel like we can handle any major health, behavioral, or emotional issues, so don't worry that we'll be taking on more than we can handle. And we know that God has the perfect child for our family already picked out, we just have to trust that He will direct us to him/her.
We are currently attending MAPP classes, which are parenting classes held by the State of Florida, that help to inform prospective parents of some of the issues that the foster kids may be dealing with, and how to handle them. We will be attending an information meeting this Saturday on international adoption, held by Bethany, a Christian adoption agency that I have done lots of research on and feel very confident is a great choice for international adoption. We are looking at waiting child programs in China, Hong Kong, Taiwan, South Korea, and The Phillipines through Bethany.
I will tell you that I feel like international is really pulling at me right now, however, with that comes costs of over $20,000, compared to foster adoption which has no cost, but also comes with an adoption subsidy (monthly payments to help with costs of raising the child), plus the children get free college tuition to most state universities, and free medical care-if needed. If you know Kevin, you will understand that seeing those comparisons-there is really no choice for him (if it's free it's for him), and he is really against going into debt for anything, so convincing him that those high fees will be worth it may be tough!
So, we would really appreciate your prayers as we seek to discern the right path for us-although I don't really think there is a wrong path when it comes down to it, but we want to make the best decisions for our family. Also, any advice or experiences you may have about adoption would be helpful as well. I'm sure you understand this is a huge decision, but we are all very excited to see where the Lord brings us, and trust in His wisdom to make this a truly amazing experience.