Whoa! Where have you been?

Well, hello! It's been a while and so much has happened since March of 2012! It will,of course take time to fill in the gap, but I'll try my best. 

First of all, Marvel doesn't live with us anymore. He moved in with his biological brother in early June of this year. We still talk, and we still care about him very much, but it was time for him to have some "tough love". He has been through so much in his short life, and we were trying our best to help him to heal and move on to a new way of thinking, living, and experiencing life, but, as they say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. We made rules, not too strict, in fact we bent a lot of our family rules to accommodate for the fact that having a family was new to him and he needed a bit more space and freedom than we thought was best for him. We set expectations, which he agreed with, but still couldn't or wouldn't meet. The last year or so had been a very stressful time for us, as we began to truly see who Marvel really was. Many of the issues we had learned about in our MAPP class, or read about in books, but since we had to figure out that he had these issues on our own, and no one told us anything about them before hand, it took a while before we knew what was going on and how to handle it. A lot of things we would rationalize with "it's because he was in foster care for so long", or " he never had a family before", although those things are true, it was MUCH deeper than that.  We tried every thing we could think of, and nothing worked. There was a huge safety concern for both Kevin and I and the other kids. We were so distraught. We didn't want to "abandon" him, but it was clear he couldn't stay with us anymore, nor do i think he wanted to. I do think he cares about us, as much as he can, and we are still here for him for anything that he needs, he just can't live here anymore. We are hoping that this is a wake up call for him and he will want to change some things, but we came to realize that we did everything we could for him and we couldn't make him make the right choices. We think as he matures some he will start to understand what we were trying to do for him and might start to listen to us and try to change for himself, not us. We do love him and really want the best for him. We never thought that adopting a child could be so hard, and we never understood before how hard it is to love someone who can't love back. He can't. Not won't, can't. It's so sad, but we will be here as long as he wants us. I'll share some more details over the next several blogs. 

But, today I am having a really hard time. The kids went back to school 2 days ago. Kevin was home with me for the past week, but went back to work today. Bailey just started high school. New school, new kids, a lot more kids, tough classes- all honors, riding the bus. Big girl stuff. She is having a hard time. She said to me this morning that she misses us, she "doesn't like being away from the family for so long". I don't like it either. I miss them like crazy! Our family is so close and we really enjoy each other, so it is so hard to all of a sudden be apart for up to 9 hours. My mommy instinct wants to yank them all out and keep them home to homeschool them, but I know they need this to build independence and strengthen their decision making abilities, and just experience life, besides they wouldn't learn much if I was their teacher! Our family is so different from most of the world, so I think it's better that they get small tastes of what it's really like out there, so we can coach them through it, rather than just booting them off to college and have them drown on their own. Kody is having a hard time, too. He is my baby, in 1st grade, and he did not want to get out of the car today. He did this last year, when there was a break or long weekend, he would cry and fuss about going to school. I know, I know, this too shall pass, but I am just sad and lonely today! I think I need a hobby or a part time job. 

I always thought I would love it when all of my kids were in school, that I would have "me" time galore, but I don't love it and I have too much "me" time! Oh well, not much I can do- kids grow up- but I just wish it didn't happen so fast!

Until next time......here's a silly picture of Kody........

The Honeymoon is Over

So yes, I believe the honeymoon is over. Not that things are bad or anything, but the realities of parenting a teen who has grown up in foster care have surfaced. This may also be a "testing" phase of some sorts, as well, since we are due to finalize in a month or so. Let me try to explain a little.
We are just trying to parent Marvel, the same as we parent our other children, but we are learning that we have to parent him differently. Our other kids have been taught our values since birth, so our expectations and hopes for them have been woven into who they are. But Marvel hasn't had that opportunity, and has been taught many differnt morals and values and expectations, so that has helped form him into who he is. So, we have had trouble communicating, because his idea of how things should go is different from ours. We have learned we need to let some things go, and let natural consequences be the teachers. We just want him to know that we love him, and want what's best for him, and want him safe. We will have a few solid rules that will have consequences if broken, but natural consequences will hopefully teach the rest- the things that aren't huge moral or safety issues. It is driving Kevin crazy, because he sees it as deliberate defiance, but I don't believe it is. Marvel is trying to follow our rules, he's not unruly, but we are different than what he is used to. We are a family who strives to be different from the world, we hold ourselves to a high standard. We try to live by God's rules, not the world's, and although he is a very good kid, our expectations may be tough for him. And he's not used to thinking the way we do. This is all still very new, and we know it will take time to get him on board with us. But the bummer is that we don't have a lot of time. In 3 short years, he could be getting ready to graduate high school and go off to college. So we'll do the best we can, and try to keep his heart with us-that's what's important. He has a great heart it's just the little details we are trying to shape, so that's no big deal in the grand scheme of things. What's most important is that we are his family now,  no matter what-and that he knows that. I'm sure he is dying to know if we are really going to be his family forever, cause no one else has ever done that. His "family" has changed every couple of years or so, and so really he probably doesn't even comprehend what a real family is.
He is such a blessing to us, even when we are stressed out. He is doing fine in school, making some good friends, goes to church and a life group willingly, helps around the house, he really is a great guy. We just want him to know that we are parenting him because we care about him, and we have told him that, but whether or not he understands that remains a mystery. We just continue to ask our Heavenly Father, for wisdom and guidance in raising all of our kids. We know that he will give us what we need!

Yes, I'm still here.

I know I have not posted in a long time. I just don't know why adding another person to the mix causes so much more chaos, but apparently it does. I think things are settling down a bit now. We have been busy getting Marvel settled at his new school, which he really dislikes right now, but I'm hoping that will change. He did have some issues with one of his teachers, who, from day one at the school, he did not like. He felt like she picked on him and things were getting bad in the class, so we had him transferred out of her class. The last thing we need are issues at school when we are trying to get him settled into our family and home. We told him (and the school) that school is really not a huge priority right now for us. We want him to bond with us and learn to trust us and love us and that takes precedence over everything else right now. He is a very smart kid and he is doing great in school, so we don't really need to worry anyways, but we want him to know he doesn't need to stress about it. I think he's making some friends also, he does play basketball with a guy that lives right near us, so that is encouraging. Although, there have been some negative social issues that have been brought to our attention at school, but I think it's just a part of him learning who the right friends are. It's so tough to have to change schools mid-year, but he is really doing great, and I think he is so brave and strong and doing just fine.
Other than getting used to a new school, things are really going great. We have noticed a bit of lying, but it's all part of him learning and we keep teaching honesty-every day. It hasn't been anything major, but we do let him know that we know he's not being truthful and that he can be honest with us and we won't kill him! In our family honesty is a priority, even if it means emabrassment, uncomfortable-ness, and other consequences, and I think we are all characterized by honesty. He'll get there, but we just have to re-teach, since lying has become the norm for him in certain situations - no biggie!
He loves to work though! We had a hard time coming up with chores at first, just not knowing what he was capable of and willing to do- but now we know he'll pretty much do anything! See, Bailey has been saving money and doing extra chores to earn money to buy an Ipod Touch and she did it-yay Bailey! Well Marvel has decided that he wants one too, so he is doing all kinds of things to earn money-yard work, washing cars, babysitting, pressure washing, drywall repair-you name it, he'll do it. Kevin has been teaching him all kinds of things (drywall repair, small engine repair), and Marvel LOVES to learn. He really likes having a Dad, and is constantly asking Kevin for more things to do and learn. It's so sweet. He does things for me to, if I ask, but I'm letting him get some good Dad time in. So he earns money and bonds with Dad-what a deal!
We are really looking forward to Spring Break-we all have Spring fever! We aren't doing much, just spending a couple of days at Regal Palms, the resort in Davenport that we discovered last year with a water slide and lazy river-we love it there and it will be Marvel's first time there. Just looking forawrd to doing nothing and then when the kids get back to school it will be freak-out FCAT time-so stress levels will be high. Have I mentioned how I miss homeschooling?
We are looking at finalizing the adoption on May 9th, if all goes as planned. Isn't that just crazy?! But Marvel is the perfect fit in our family, we could not have asked for more! It's funny, everyone makes comments like "You are doing such a good thing for him", and "It's so nice what you're doing"-but we aren't in this for accolades and applause. We are in this to be obedient to God and change lives in His name. Yes, we know that Marvel will be blessed by our choices, but I think we are far more blessed by him than we would have ever imagined. The Lord has used Marvel to change our hearts, and hopefully we can continue to be a blessing to others by being obedient, even when it might be uncomfortable, or hard. Adopting a teen is challenging, yes, but so amazing, and rewarding, also. There are so many teens without families, without guidance and love and support. It takes a lot of self-lessness, but it is SO worth loving them. I know they aren't as cute as a baby, or young child, and yes, they may come with bad habits and problems, but if only they were given a chance most of them would blossom and become more than anyone could ever imagine an orphan could. Marvel is teaching us and our kids about being self-less and loving others. Our family is better now, closer, and united in a way we could have never created or imagined!. We are blessed to be a blessing, not just to keep on getting blessed. Share the love-you have plenty-love is not a pie that gets sliced up in equal parts and once it is given away it's gone......love multiplies-the more you give the more you have! I'm not saying to love so that you can be loved-that's not the goal-the goal is to love....being loved is the reward. Check out 1 Peter 4:8-10. Ok, I'm done preaching-for now. But I believe God has given us this experience to share with others, so that others may experience what we have or better, and so that we can learn to love like He wants us to-so I'm not going to stop preaching about adoption or loving others, so, sorry, just deal with it!
We'd still appreciate prayers for bonding and becoming the family God wants us to be. I'll try to post sooner next time!

Move-in day in 5 days!

Yep, our biggest boy will finally move-in to our residence, physically (he's already moved into our hearts), on Saturday! We are so excited! He is too, although I think he tries not to show it too much. He will have his last basketball game at his current school, then we will get the rest of his stuff and move him in! He should start at Durant on Monday-we're still working all of that out. The kids can hardly believe it's time for him to move in-it's been so hard having to take him back to his foster home each weekend. He just brightens up our lives, makes things more fun, and I think we just see the world through a different lens when he's around. He is such a wonderful guy-I couldn'thave designed a more amazing child-if I had the means to, that is.

We talked about the process from here out with him, which is-once he moves in, he has to live with us at least 90 days and then we can finalize the adoption, which means he will officially be a Bourne. He asked if he could change his name then, to which we replied yes, he can take our last name if he wants to. He was excited about that, but then he said he wanted to change his whole name! That was very surprising to us, because for 16 years he's been Marvel! He came up with a name that he likes, but I am going to wait to share it, in case he changes his mind. I asked him if he wanted to keep any of his name, maybe as his middle name, and he just shook his head and made a face-like "no way". So this says a lot really, but basically, he wants to belong to us. It makes no difference to us what his name is, so whatever he chooses will be fine, we just want to love him. It will be strange to start calling him something else, but we want whatever he wants.

He is just too cute! He is talking about getting a job, and doing chores, how he will do things when he is "a man", just planning things out the way kids do. We watched Courageous this weekend, and it was awesome! He somehow, already has those values that the movie talks about, and totally agrees with every bit of it. We talked about dating and how our family sees dating as "courting" or preparation for marriage, not some extra-curricular activity, so we'd rather him not start dating, until he was ready to prepare for marriage-which he agrees is not now. It's so strange how God has placed all of our family values and morals in him-despite a very broken background. I keep saying that he fits right into our family, and I can't explain it, but it is like he has always been here. He and Bailey are such buddies, and it is just precious to watch them just talk or joke, or chase each other around with fake poop(their favorite game). All of the kids just have a special big brother bond with him, that you could never imagine would develop in 3 months, but it has. We will all be forever changed and blessed because of him, it is just incredible-at the very least. I know that things may change, once he's settled in, but I don't think it will be anything significant, and I know that the blessings will far outweigh any troubles that we face!
I am going to take a moment just to say that if you have ever considered adoption, or even if you haven't, please pray and ask for wisdom, and take some time to reconsider-and know that you will be SO blessed by loving an orphan-no matter what age, gender or the color of their skin!
I'll talk to you soon!

This truck was just hanging out on Friday on the way home from school! It just happens to be Marvel's favorite-too bad he missed it:(

Well, hello.......

I have been so bad, not posting any blogs!
Things have been great! Marvel has spent every weekend with us, including a week during Thanksgiving break and a week during Christmas break. We have been to all of his basketball games, which his team has won every one of! That is a fun and different experience for us. He continues to bring more and more of his things to our house, to stay. It is so cute to see him arranging his room the way he wants it. We usually just hang out at home, and he seems fine with that-he just watches TV, jumps on our new trampoline, listens to his Ipod or plays on the Wii......typical teenager. He also got a guitar for Christmas,which he plays on, but on Christmas he was playing my sister's bass guitar, which he really loved. So she let him borrow it. Our theme song of Christmas was Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne, his favorite thing to play on the bass! But, he actually likes to hang out with all the kids, too- even plays silly games with them. He is just such a joy to us. He was having some behavior issues at his foster home, probably due to the stress of transitioning into a new family, but we talked with him about it, and he seems to be doing better now. He still wants to move in after basketball season-which his last game will be Jan 28th, so it could be that weekend that he moves in. That will be such a blessing! No more driving an hour each way to pick him up and drop him off, no more packing and un-packing, no more planning our weekends around picking him up and dropping him off, and best of all.....no more good-byes!
It gets harder and harder each time to say good-bye-for all of us! I almost lost it when Kevin had to take him home after Christmas break....it was awful! The kids keep saying "I miss Marvel", and Bryson just wants him to "stay for 90 days" -because after 90 days of living with us, we can finalize the adoption-so I guess he just wants it done! I won't lie-this part is hard! We all feel like something is missing when he's not here, but we know it won't be long until he's with us forever! I can't imagine how hard it is for him!
 Oh-I got a "new" car! We knew we would need a bigger car soon,  the mini-van sat 7, but with a lap belt only in the middle of the back seat-which I wasn't comfortable with. So we researched and looked, and ended up with a 2006 Ford Expedition-red! I love it! And it has a DVD player in it-which is a lifesaver on our hour-long drives to get/drop-off Marvel!
The kids are getting back into the swing of school again, but I so loved having them home. It's always after long breaks that I start dreaming of homeschooling again-I really don't like them gone from home all day, but I still don't think I could handle it. I try to remember how stressed I was for the semester that we tried to homeschool. If only school was just a half day, that would be perfect! I really could care less that my children are "educated"-at least in the world's sense. I think it is far more important for them to have good character and integrity, to learn to love others and serve God, than it is to have all A's or a degree. I know, people will argue that they need a degree to succeed ,and need to succeed to make it in this world-but I disagree. Not that I want my children to be homeless, jobless and irresponsible-not at all, just aware of what's important and humble. Well, ok.....sorry to go off on a rant, there!
It is freezing here in central Florida today-freezing meaning 48 degrees. But compared to the low 80's last week, pretty darn cold! I don't like cold! It's funny, I dream of living in the mountains, but I don't think I'd survive a winter! Guess I'll just have to visit more, which I hope to do this year. I don't do resolutions, but I LOVE to plan vacations! I'll be working on that soon......Spring break will be here before we know it! Until next time!

Catching Up!

I'm so sorry I haven't written in this most important time in our "process", things have been crazy busy!
It is one week till Thanksgiving and we have so much to be thankful for! We are so, so blessed!
We have had 2 more visits with Marvel, yes I shared his name! It's pronounced Mar-velle, not like the comics. Two weeks ago we had an evening visit, we went to Game Time in Centro Ybor and played games and ate dinner. Of course we had a blast and on the way home he asked if he could come to our house for the next visit, which we were planning for Friday, since there was no school/work for Veteran's Day. So that's what we did. That Friday, Kevin went to pick him up, and we gave him a tour of the house, starting with "the room he could stay in if he ever wanted to stay with us". We had lunch, played on the Wii, on the computer, played basketball, I made his favorite dinner, lasagna, and we had a bon fire and made smores. About mid-day he asked if he could stay the night, we said that was fine, even though he didn't bring extra clothes. We were very surprised , but excited! When we were in "his room" making sure he would fit in the bed (lol), he just said out of the blue...." I probably won't move in till after basketball season, in February", I said "Ok, that's fine" very calmly-but I was freaking out inside! He obviously had been thinking about this. He also asked what high school he would go to when we were eating dinner. We finished the evening by watching the latest Harry Potter movie, at his request (which was really good). The next day we all just hung around, like any other Saturday, and we brought him home mid-afternoon. The kids had so much fun with him, he plays with them and is so nurturing, just like a great big brother. Kevin and I really missed him that next day, I was sort of sad that we had to take him "home".

But we asked him what he wanted to do for Thanksgiving, and told him that we normally go to my aunt's house with all of my side of the family, but if that seemed like too much, we could do something small at home and that would be fine. He said that he wanted to go to my aunt's house, that he was fine with that. I will double check with him this weekend, just to be sure, though. Can you even believe this kid? He is Marvel-ous! Now, we do realize that in the beginning the kids that have been in foster care are trying to impress families and make them like them, but he is so open and honest with us, and gets along with the kids so well-we feel so blessed that the Lord has brought us together. He is just so precious, and so much "like" us-in his demeanor and attitudes. We have another visit planned for this weekend, probably another sleepover, and he had mentioned that he wanted to stay over Thanksgiving break as well, but he has basketball practice the first part of the week, so we'll see. I feel so bad for his foster mom, almost like we're taking him away from her-she did want to adopt him at one point, but he chose not to. She is a great lady, and has 3 teenage foster boys with her right now, God bless her! But she did say she thought we were a good fit for him, I just feel sad for her, he's been there almost 2 years! We are having so much fun and really enjoy getting to know him.
Other news....Kevin and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary yesterday! We can hardly believe it's been that long! We are so crazy about each other, and we get closer each year. We are best friends, and I am so blessed to have him leading our family, and it is so rewarding to be his help-meet through good and bad. He is an excellent father and husband, and always puts the kids and me first-I could not have dreamed up a more perfect man to be married to! He is my number one blessing, other than my Savior, Jesus Christ!
We will also officially have a teenager in December and my "baby" will be 5, so bittersweet! This will be a very emotional end of the year for me! But it is still the most wonderful time of the year (can you tell I've been listening to Christmas music)! Love it! Count your blessings!

Lots of fun!

I know you are dying to know about the visit....it went really well! He was shy at first, but he started talking more and joking around as the day went on. The kids just loved him to pieces! He is very gentle and mild, and so sweet. He and Bailey really got along great, she is smitten by him! We just kept the conversations casual, although Kody kept asking if we were going to keep "M"-and "M" just laughed at it, so I guess he was ok with it. We hope to have another visit this coming weekend-the kids can not stop talking about him! This is a picture Kody took-so you can sort of see just how tall he is next to me(I'm itching my nose or something) and he's leaning over, too!

He is such a sweet, polite guy and we feel so blessed that we get to know him. We just can not believe he hasn't been adopted yet! Bailey said "because God wanted us to have him!", I have to say I think she's right!

We also had our Fall Festival at church, which of course was fun as usual! Candy, games, dunk tank, music, and friends-couldn't ask for more! The boys were Star Wars themed, and the girls were Cleopatra and Taylor Swift.

We can't wait to spend time with our new guy soon-I'll update you!

2 days!

Oh my goodness, in 2 days we get to meet M! I cannot even tell you how excited we are! Bailey is not able to sleep because she is so excited thinking about what it will be like (she's just like her mom)! I forgot to tell you that the kids are able to come and besides that, when M's case worker talked to him about the meeting, M told him he didn't even need his caseworker there! So, he is comfortable enough to hang out with just us! Not suprising, as I have been praying that God would give him(and us) peace about each other, but still, it's awesome!

Bailey at her Fall Dance

We will have so much fun this weekend! Besides meeting M on Saturday, we have Kody's Fall Festival at school on Friday.....so cute, and our church Fall Festival/Trunk n' Treat on Sunday! Our kids LOVE Trunk n' Treat, they look forward to it every year! If you have no idea what Trunk n' Treat is, basically church members park at church, set up their trunks and the kids trick or treat to the different trunks. It's great because we get to include families in the neighborhoods surrounding the church and minister to them in a fun way. Our kids love handing out candy and "helping", Bailey is able to volunteer with face painting, games, etc, and she just LOVES it! We haven't gone traditional trick or treating in probably 5 years-we don't like to make a big deal of Halloween, and this is a perfect blend of the "fun" of Halloween in a safer, less worldly way and fellowship and ministry all in one-good stuff!

Other news...our chicken laid her first egg-and two more since then! She has been very vocal lately, we weren't sure if maybe she was missing her sister, who passed away, or just felt like she could voice her opinions now, but apparently she was getting ready to lay! They are cute little pinkish, brownish eggs. Haven't eaten any yet-we aren't big egg eaters, so we might be "gifting" some lovely "organic" eggs soon!

This is just our little diva, Kristyn. She was getting ready for church and she just loves to accessorize.....two headbands, a scarf, and an assortment of necklaces, oh and sparkly shoes! What a cutie! Well I'll let you know how our weekend goes-I must get cleaning and laundry done since it won't get done this weekend!

We finally get to meet him!

Yes, we will get to meet M on Sat. Oct. 29th! A lot of people are saying " Haven't you already met him?". Well yes, I guess we have, but we haven't talked with him, heard his voice, had a conversation, looked into his eyes. That's what I'm excited about! I am very nervous as well, afraid I won't be the type of person he can see as "mom", but even if that's the case, I still want to get to know him and love him. You all probably think I'm nuts, but I already love him-in fact WE already love him. We talk as though he is already part of our family and we assume he always will be. Dangerous maybe-especially knowing that he is leery about adoption, but I am still certain that God has arranged every bit of this process and He has plans for good for all of us. We aren't sure if it will be just Kevin and I meeting him or if the kids are coming too, but I'll let you know. They will be very disappointed if they can't meet him yet, but we don't want to overwhelm him:)
Also on a side note, we are going through some junk right now at home, so I would so love to have your prayers for our family. The enemy loves to attack where we are weak, so I just need to remember to be strong in the Lord. I know He's got my back!
Do you guys love this weather or what? Fall is my favorite season so it's nice that it feels like Fall now! Speaking of Fall.....Bailey has her first dance tonight-the Middle School Fall dance! She will love hanging out with her friends and getting down! She loves the fact that she is getting old enough to do things like this, but she still loves being with us too....she wants me to chaperone the dance! I'll post pics soon-she'll be in cowgirl attire. Yee haw ya'll!

Another crazy week.....

and I'm sorry for not blogging sooner about our disclosure meeting! We've had van issues, tee ball, cross country, various meltdowns, colds, and yes, still dealing with our little friends, the ticks!
But anyways, our meeting was Friday, and it went very well! We were afraid we would find out some deep, dark secret that would make us reconsider this adoption, since, so far this kid seems so great. Well, we found out that................ he IS that great! His family has a history of mental illness, and that's why he had such a rough start in life, but he does have biological family that loves him, that's for sure. He does well in school, has no behavioral issues or medical issues, and he's a great basketball player (at 6'4"-go figure!). Our next step, and the most exciting, is meeting him and getting to know him-yay! We are still starting as "mentors" for him, since he is not so sure about being adopted, but we're hoping he will get to know and love us and see that whether or not we move to "adoption" with him, we will still be here for him and care for him. We're all excited and nervous for this next "phase", but I still am 100% sure that God brought him to us, so whatever happens next is His divine will for us! His birthday is this month, he'll be 16, I hope we get to meet him by then! I'll let you know!

craziness

Well it's been a a crazy weekend, to say the least. First of all, we have a tick infestation in our house. Last week we started finding ticks everywhere! So I freaked out-totally gross, and sprayed the whole house with a home insect spray that we have. But it wasn't doing the trick, so I had to go to a pest control store and get some major stuff. So we sprayed every inch of the house and the carpet that we have (not much), then vacuumed and swept and put the house house back together. I also had to go and get some flea/tick control for the cat and dog, since we found over 25 ticks on Moose-poor guy. We had been giving him Frontline, but apparently it didn't have tick control in it. So after spraying, cleaning, washing, picking ticks off, I think we have begun to eliminate the problem. We still find one here or there, but I will be spraying frequently. The guy at the pest control place said ticks eggs can lie dormant for up to a year-nice. They haven't really bitten us since we can feel them and pick them off, but poor Moose-I feel so bad!
While I was cleaning up ticks on Sat., Kody had T-ball practice, and when they got home from practice I went to Publix-my parents were coming over to celebrate my birthday and we had no food. While I was there Kristyn called me and said that Henrietta (the chicken) was dead-she wasn't moving. She was sick a few weeks ago, I did research, thought I figured out what it was-got some medication, and she was doing much better. We had thought she was all better. Well Friday we had noticed she wasn't running up when we fed her and she wasn't acting herself. So we started the medicine again. I guess she had a different sickness though, and she didn't make it. It was very sad, she was my favorite chicken-just had a great personality-yes chickens have personalities. She was the "dominant" chicken though, Daisy followed everything she did, so I don't know how Daisy will do without her. There is talk of getting a chick now-so we'll see. We had a funeral and Bryson said a prayer for poor Henrietta, he was really crushed. I tell you what, after the weekend we had I am ready to evacuate all pets from this house!
Well, Sunday we had a tour of the new school from 2-4. The kids were so excited and really misbehaving because they just couldn't handle the excitement. We found everyone's classes and the lockers-that's all Bailey cared about! It's a nice, new, big school and I'm sure the teachers will appreciate having actual good-sized classrooms! The car line is a mess, of course, so we have to go through those pains again, but I know it will get worked out. So glad to have everyone at one place-except for Kody of course.

Also, last week we noticed some water in the garage, near the hot water heater. So this weekend we pulled everything out to figure out where it was coming from.......the wall behind the water heater-also the back wall of Kristyn's room. We had issues with a leaking pipe there before, so we knew just where to look. And as we speak there are plumbers fixing another leaky connection. So, now we add a drywalling adventure to next weekends plans! Luckily, we have had lots of drywall repair experience so we can handle that, but not what we want to this weekend! So hopefully this week will be a little smoother than the weekend was, but it's already looking crazy-so I doubt it.
Bryson has his first cross country meet tomorrow-he has to run 2 miles! This should be interesting, but it was his idea, so maybe running will be "his thing"-I just know it's definetely not mine!
We're looking forward to the disclosure meeting on Friday, so continued prayers for my sanity through all of this, please!

Disclosure

This is just a quick note to let you know our disclosure meeting for M was set for Sept. 30th at 10 A.M. This is the meeting where we will find out "all about M". We'll find out why he came into care, how he does in school, medical records, behaviors, and much more. I probably won't be able to share a lot of those details, because, well it's confidential, but I just ask for continued prayers for the weeks to come and continued prayers for M, that his heart and mind will be open to meeting and getting to know our family and that he will feel comfortable with us. I also want to thank you all for the support and prayers you have given us this far, we SO appreciate it! This is such a strange time in the process and we feel excited, nervous, and a little bit of everything in between! I will let you know how it goes and our next steps (meeting him?!).
On life outside of adoption, we are doing well. The kids' new school is ready and they will be moving to the brand new building on Sept. 26th-so exciting!

I got to go to Universal's Island of Adventure this past weekend with my sister, her treat for my birthday. It was fun and exhausting-nice to do something I enjoyed! This is Hogwarts in Harry Potter land-which is very awesome! I also loved the Hulk roller coaster-woo hoo! My legs are a little sore from all the walking-just a reminder that I am getting older!

Just wow!

Well, as of Sept. 1st, we have officially been matched with M! Lindsay called after the meeting to go over a few things and let us know our next step is a disclosure meeting ( learning all about M on paper). That may take a few weeks to schedule cause his case worker needs to get all of his info together. So at this point I am excited and scared. But listen to this.........just another example of how God has been orchestrating this adoption for a long time.........

Every month we try to attend an adoption support group meeting held at a wonderful place called the Sylvia Thomas Center. It provides training and support for families at any stage of adoption, from any place-for free. We have been going since we finished our MAPP classes-so since April or May. They have such wonderful people there and are a huge help for many families in the area. They have lost a lot of funding recently due to budget cuts, and are at risk for having to cut out a lot of programs or may even have to close and that would be a shame- so if you are ever looking for a charity to give to please consider them.
Anyhow.....we went to a meet and greet at the Sylvia Thomas Center last night. We almost didn't go, we were all tired and Bailey had to finish homework, but I had already RSVP'd for childcare and I kept feeling like we needed to go. When we signed in, the director, Sharon, asked who we were matched with and I told her it was M. She said she knew him and also that his nephew's (I'll get to this in a minute) adoptive family were coming and we should meet. Yes, M is an uncle. His nephew is 11, only 4 years younger, so they were raised like brothers.
Well after introductions, we knew who they were and they knew who we were. I had seen them there before, even heard them talk about M before. They were trying to adopt M and his nephew, but M didn't want to be adopted at the time. So after the meeting we talked, found out lots about M, and we found out this couple, the Johnson's, also attend church with us. We currently attend 2 churches(maybe that's another blog entry-not now)-this is the newest one-The Crossing. The Johnson's know M well, and he is at their house a lot, he even spent the weekend last weekend with them. Oh, did I mention the Johnson's live about 5 minutes away from us?! M has also lived at a group home near us and attended a church very close to us that some friends of ours attend. Also, the Johnson's told us that M has mostly been in Christian foster homes.
I cannot even believe how God has orchestrated all of these events to bring us to M! To be honest, it all started after we started attending The Crossing's Sat. night service. I feel we have just really strengthened our relationship with the Lord since being there, and we are better able to hear the Holy Spirit and obey. It's incredible! For those of you reading who do not have a personal relationship with Jesus, I'm sure you think I'm nuts-but thats ok! Those of you who know the Lord know what I'm talking about! I have never been able to actually "see" God working in my life as much as right now. And I have to believe it's because we are obedient to Him.
I am actually doing a Bible study right now about hearing God speak (He planned that too)-and it only confirms the fact that we are hearing from God, experiencing His blessings, because we have been obedient to Him. Sometimes it's not easy. You feel like you are nuts, or that people will think you are nuts, or that something bad might happen-we think way too much about responding to God's voice. He's got this-no need to worry. Does He not work all things for good for those who love Him? It may not seem like M and his nephew being separated from their birth family, and having to live in foster care for years is "good"......but it happened so that they could be united-adopted into their forever families, just as God adopted us into His forever family.

God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.    Ephesians 1:5

I am just in awe over this! It is so beyond my comprehension, I can't even begin to understand, but I'm so excited to do God's will, whatever that may be! I love being able to share all of our journey with you. I am also writing in a journal for M, all of the details of the adoption and how I am feeling, hoping that one day it can be a gift to him and he can read about the journey and how we loved him, really before we even knew him!

Some updates....

It's funny how in my last post, I was looking forward to school starting......ha......it has been completely insane! The 3 oldest kids go to a charter school that is K-8, and they are building a new building, as they have been in a small church. Well the building isn't ready and they are having to split up the school K-2 at the old location and 3-7 (they won't have 8th till next year) at a new church. So, of course, we have kids in both schools, but they really aren't that close to each other, so the reality of getting 5 kids (we are bringing a neighbor) to 3 different locations(Kody is in preschool) within an hour is absolutely nuts! I had signed up for bus service last year, but hadn't heard anything till 2 days before school started and then found out their morning pick-up would be at 7:02-I don't think so! So I recruited my amazing husband to bring Kristyn and I would bring everyone else (which helped us not have to leave so early). Well, my van was having some strange issues on the first day of school, so Kevin came home early, we took it to a shop, and it is still there-but we still don't even know what is wrong. They think it is a problem with the main computer, but are still trying to diagnose for sure. So yesterday Kevin stayed home from work, but today after all of the crazy drop offs I took him to work. I was in the car 2 and a half hours this morning. Such a waste of time, but not much I can do about it. The new building is supposed to be ready in 1-3 weeks, I am really praying for it's completion!
So, some better news is that there is an "informal" match meeting on Sept. 1st for M and us-yay! A match meeting is the official matching of a child and a family, by all parties involved (except M and us, ha ha). This is more informal because of the mentoring route we are going, but it still needs to be done. If that is a success, we will then have a disclosure meeting, where we will learn a little more info about M (we do get to go to that one).
As crazy as things are here, I find myself thinking of him, wondering how his first few days of school have been, what classes he's taking, what his friends are like-I just can't wait to get to know him! I even had a dream about him the other night. I dreamt I was snuggling with him, just like I do with the other kids(even though he's a lot bigger than them), and I put my hand on him and I was noticing the contrast in our skin colors, and thought to myself how amazing it was that I was his mother despite not having birthed him, and not looking anything alike, but that I loved him just as much as my other children. Then Kody jumped on his back(in the dream) and I woke up after that. It was such a short, sweet dream, and I had such a wonderful feeling when I woke up. I'm probably crazy and I hope I am not disapointed too much, although I do know there is a great possibility, but I have to put myself out there for his sake, so he will know he is loved-even if he isn't able to return that love. I'll keep you updated!

No news is good news....sort of

Finally some news from adoption land! If you remember we have been waiting to hear from M's case worker to see if he is interested in us as a family at all. M was at camp, and our adoption worker wasn't able to get in contact with his case worker since he's been back. I was begining to lose hope. We have felt this strange connection to M since the day we heard about him, which is why we haven't given up and moved on. God had orchestrated too much at this point to just give up. I prayed last night that God would make something happen, I just needed some sort of news....and what do you know, at 9:30 am I got an email from Lindsay asking if she could call later to discuss what's going on with M! What a mighty God we serve, always faithful to us! So anyway, M's cw talked to him about us, and although he isn't ready to jump into adoption, he is willing to let us be his "mentor family". Basically, it's a way to get to know each other without having the comittment of "adoption". He's scared and I understand, we are too, so this seems like a great way to get to know each other. He, or we, can back out at any point if we feel like this may not be a good match. Either way, I think both he and our family will benefit from getting to know each other. I'm just so glad he's willing to give us a shot! I have been praying that if it is God's will, that He open M's heart to us, and he has -so yay! Now I hope we don't scare him away-we are kind of weird-in a good way though!
I just want to ask for prayers for our new friends the Wrights, the family with 8 kids, as they are trying to close on a new house and running into some stumbling blocks. Please pray for a smooth closing and move and that all would go as planned.
Also, prayers for friends that are new foster parents, have their first placement, and it's a little rough. Just prayers for their family and the little boy-they are all going through some adjustments and could use a little extra grace right now. 
Can you believe school starts in one week? It's bitter sweet-I love being with my kids, but sick of the bickering. I will miss them, but it's time to get back into a routine! I think we're all ready!
I'll let you know how it goes!

Casting Away

So yeah, I changed the blog up a little. If you know me, you'll know I love change-so it was time.
No news on the adoption front.....sorry to say, but I'll let you know as I find out.
I'm writing cause I feel like there is something the Lord wanted me to share with you. I've been listening to a sermon series called Cast Away. It's a reminder of how, with God, we can cast away all of our burdens. He gave us His son to carry those burdens for us, so we don't need to hold on to them anymore. But, as the years go by, we sometimes either forget to give things to God, or we feel like we can handle them ourselves and we become burdened once again. In fact, it's a contious cycle.......we end up with things that burden us....guilt, fear, shame, anger, resentment, our past mistakes, our failures, and we sometimes let them pile up and that weighs us down and keeps us separated from God. But then we "have a moment" are able to give them to God and we are free again, for a while-till we get burdened again. It would be great if I could give my burdens to God the moment I notice them-but I don't know, I forget or something. And I guess because I have so many responsibilities here, I feel like I should be able to handle these things on my own. But really the opposite is true, because I have so many responsibilities don't I need someone to look out for me? You betcha-big time! So the Lord revealed a burden to me that I didn't really realize I've carried for 15 years now, and I think He wants me to share, as a way to help me heal I guess. So......
When I was 19, and newly engaged to the love of my life, after a missed period and a pregnancy test, I found out I was pregnant. I was surprised, but not really, I do know how that happens and Kevin and I were intimate before marriage. I wasn't sure what to do, but I remember I wasn't freaking out. Well, I was advised by someone close to me, who loved and cared about me, that an abortion would be the best thing. The reasoning was, that I was so young and had my whole life ahead of me, and a child would "mess that up".
That seemed logical to me and I trusted this person to give me good advice, so I made an appointment. Kevin was wonderful, he just told me to do whatever I thought was best, and he took a day off of work and took me to the clinic. I was unsure that this was the right thing to do, but no one close to me seemed to think it was wrong so I proceeded to the clinic. We signed in, got a stack of stuff to read over about the procedure and recovery, and found a seat in the very crowded waiting area. I looked around just to see what kinds of other people were going through this too, and there were couples, girls with their parents, girls with what looked like their friends. No one seemed sad, unsure, or scared....they just sat having conversations. I saw a couple of girls come out of where I assumed they did the procedure and they looked ok too. So I thought, this must be ok, everyone else is ok. Well I started to read these papers describing the procedure, with details of what they would be doing and I started getting dizzy. I just thought I was getting a little nervous, that was normal. I continued reading and began realizing this was a life inside of me, not something to just remove and discard like trash. I began feeling nauseous and began to wonder, what do they do with these babies that they are killing? The thought of a bunch of tiny, bloody babies in a garbage can was too much. I told Kevin I had to get out of there and literally ran out. I told him I couldn't do that, we would just have to figure out what to do, but I wasn't killing this baby. He called his mother, who really helped me feel better, and feel like I was doing the right thing by leaving. And we left. A few weeks later I miscarried, probably from the stress, and was just terrified. I went to an OB/GYN for the first time and was told I would be fine. And I guess I was. But what the Lord showed me is that all of these years I have felt guilt and shame over wanting to kill that baby. I think I felt that somehow I miscarried because the baby knew and God knew that I didn't want that baby. I think abortion is a horrible tragedy, for babies, moms, and for the God who created them both. If I felt so horribly because I came close to getting an abortion, how do those women and girls feel who actually go through with it? I can't imagine! So this is me letting go of that guilt, shame, and pride that kept this burden so close to me. I am giving the whole situation to the God who creates life and takes it away. I know He was with me the entire time, and that the Holy Spirit is what made me leave that clinic. I realize the entire situation was a consequence of my sin, intimacy before marriage. I knew it was wrong, but to be honest in my family there was this unspoken rule......if you don't talk about it it didn't happen or will go away. Thank the Lord I have learned that is not true! Kevin and I are constantly talking with our kids about all kinds of difficult situations, so that they don't have to figure out what is right if they find themselves in an awful situation. I had no idea what an abortion was until I saw "Dirty Dancing", and although I didn't understand completely, I knew then it was not a good thing. I am so thankful there are wonderful places like LifeCare of Brandon, to help guide young women, and hopefully prevent them from going through what I went through. Thanks for reading and being a part of my healing, I pray that you can give your burdens up too. There is a great song by Dara Maclean called "Suitcases" that has encouraged me, and I'm sure it will encourage you too......
http://youtu.be/hYMM3FYPv30

Enjoy!

Missing my girl

Well, our oldest, Bailey, left last Friday for Austin, TX for a mission trip. There was a group of 40 something teens and adults from our church going. They won't be back till Sunday-a whole 10 days away from home! This is her first mission trip, hopefully of many to come. We have talked to her everyday, but I'm really starting to miss her! Kristyn keeps asking when she'll be home-I'm sure she's sick of being stuck with the boys! But Bailey did tell us they are working with kids who have Downs Syndrome. Which is really a God thing-that was totally for Bailey!
She was in a class a few months ago with a little girl with Downs. This girl sat right next to her and was constantly distracting Bailey, singing, rummaging through her purse and applying various items to Bailey (without her permission)-one of which was a perfume that really irritated her skin. Bailey wasn't able to hear or focus on the teachers and did not want to go back to this class because of this girl. To be honest, this child should not have been in the class without someone one on one with her, but here she was next to Bailey. Now, you must know, Bailey is very patient and motherly-at school her they call her the class mom. So this had to be pretty aggravating if it bothered her so much. We had to explain that this girl was mentally handicapped, which she knew, but we told her it was kind of like having Kody in the class (he's 4)-she understood that, she knew he would behave the same way in this class. We told her to just be patient and kind until something else could be worked out for this girl. She was kind, but that experience gave her a "stereotype" kind of thinking about kids with Downs and it was a negative thought process. So see, God gave her this mission experience to get a new perspective on kids with Downs, and hopefully a more positive one. She admitted she was a little scared when she heard that they would be working with kids with Downs, because of her past experience, but she did say she had a great first day. I have not yet seen God working in the lives of my kids so clearly as this! It is such a great experience and expression of his faithfulness to us!
So, what else? We gave the baby squirrels to a local vets office that cares for wildlife, I feel they are in better hands there and they were becoming a little too "squirrely" for me. They both had their eyes open, and were eating well and growing, so I'm sure they'll be fine. Tomorrow is Bryson's 9th birthday-I can't believe he's 9! We plan on just going to Chuck E Cheese's, and hanging out at home-can't afford a whole lot. I feel like he always gets ripped off, since his birthday is the end of summer, but I guess it can't be any worse than my Christmas-time babies!
We are going to try to do the Glazer's Children's Museum for $2 Tuesday-I hope it's not crazy. We're going to do the fountains at the park after so hopefully the weather holds up. I went to the museum once for a field trip with Kristyn, but wasn't really impressed. It will be something to do today, though.
Have I mentioned I am ready for school to start? Summer is too long! I love being with them, but they get bored and sick of each other after 2 months, and that gets frustrating for me!  Well, 3 weeks from today!

Pics of our newest animals



Bailey and Henrietta



Bryson, David (neighbor) and Daisy



Baby squirrels



M & M

No, I am not blogging about candy now, although I could have used some chocolate yesterday. Just a rough day, kids crazy, house a wreck, found baby squirrels, 3 extra kids, which usually is fine but by the end of the day I was DONE! Kevin says I need to "give it to God"-I try but maybe not completely. So anyways, back to M & M! They are the 2 boys we have been "matched" with. I use the term loosely, because all that means is that on paper it seems like we'd be good together. We are focusing on one M at a time, and we are really feeling drawn to the first one our adoption worker told us about. I'll tell you a little bit......he's 15 and African American, a good kid with no behavioral or health issues. He's been in foster care a while, so he's a little apprehensive about being adopted (understandably). He's at a summer camp now, but his case worker will be talking to him about how he feels about being adopted and he will be telling him a little bit about our family to see if he's interested in meeting us. Now, with teens they have a say in the process, so really at this point it's up to M to move forward at all. It's kind of scary, since he may be uncomfortable with having a family that is a different race than him, but I have been praying that if M is the son that the Lord has picked out for us, that He would open M's heart to us and give it a shot. It's so scary for the kids in foster care, so I really do understand them being hesitant. But both Kevin and I feel a real pull towards him and so we will be sad if M decides we aren't a good match for him. So that brings us to the other M, who is 14 and caucasion-as if race even matters anymore, but just want to let inquiring minds know. We hear he is also a good kid with no behavior issues, but we don't know a whole lot about him. We are kind of waiting to see what happens with the first M, before we find out too much about the second M. I hate the fact that we have to "choose" them-it's not like we are picking out an outfit or a puppy-they are people with thought and feelings just like us, but this is the process, so what can we do?! So that's all on the human adoption front right now-basically just waiting again. But, we have had some non-human adoptions this week.......2 chickens and now 2 squirrels. We had some friends that had chickens, but couldn't keep them due to their HOA, and I have always wanted chickens (I love chickens), but Kevin would never agree to them-except he did this time! So we built them a coop and they're as happy as can be!
The squirrels I am less enthusiastic about, but I couldn't leave the poor babies. The kids found them in the street yesterday-they had fallen out of their nest-on the street below. We left them by the tree for awhile hoping the mama would come get them, but there was the sound of a hawk very nearby and the ants were getting them, so we brought them home. I ,of course did some research, and got some puppy formula for them and tried feeding them. they were not having it yesterday, but today one of them is eating it. The other may be injured or something, he's not really moving much or eating at all, but I keep trying. I'll post pics soon, based on the website I found, they are 4-5 weeks old. Like I need anything else to care for! But I can't let them die-so I'll do my best! I'm hoping the kids will be learning some life lessons from all of this!

Whew!

We got the privilege of babysitting our new friends' 8 children last night while they went out for their anniversary. Our kids were so excited! It was so much fun! I must admit that feeding 13 children was a challenge (their 8, our 4, plus a neighbor), even with Bailey, Kevin and I "serving" it was nuts! But after that, a few more neighbor kids came over and it was playtime -I'm sure our neighbors thought we had started a daycare, but we were outside riding bikes, skateboards, scooters, running around, and screaming and laughing.....it was wild! Everyone got along so well, and even the baby (she's one) let me hold her for awhile. She is so adorable and my kids couldn't get enough of her-they haven't been around too many babies since Kody's grown up! Bryson kept touching her hair- he loved her "puffy" hair! The girls were dressing up and dancing the boys were being super heroes and playing on the DSes. Before they even left they were all,ours and theirs, asking if they could come over again! The Lord has really blessed us in finding the Wrights for many reasons, we actually know someone with more kids than us, they have adopted, they have adopted 8 kids, they have adopted outside of their race, they love the Lord, and they are so fun! They do have a couple little ones sick today (maybe too much fun last night?) so please pray for them!